


me, myself, and you

by itachitachi



Series: Summer Pornathon '10 [5]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Damn Those Meddling Kids, M/M, Masturbation, Minor Character(s), Orgasm Delay, Possession, Prison Sex, Sort of? - Freeform, Team Gluttony, Villains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-15 23:36:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2247618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itachitachi/pseuds/itachitachi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This body ain't big enough for the two of us. I guess we'll just have to get cozy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	me, myself, and you

**Author's Note:**

> For Pthon 2010 week 6: Villains. \o/

"This is all your fault," Cedric mutters. The Cornelius Sigan in the back of his mind shrugs, uncaring. "If it hadn't been for you, by now I would have been halfway from Camelot to some tropical island I shouldn't rightfully even know about."

_How?_ Cornelius asks. _You don't have any magic to get you there._

"With the jewels, of course!" Cedric exclaims. "The ones I stole from your tomb!"

_Those were fake, you imbecile,_ Cornelius says. _Spelled rocks and glass to lure in grave robbers. And it worked perfectly, too. Or it would have, at least, if it hadn't been for that meddling—_

"Yeah, yeah," Cedric says, rolling his eyes. He's heard it all before. "But even if the kid hadn't been meddling, you would have got your body back but not had any jewels or gold. What good would that have been?"

_I would have had Camelot,_ Cornelius rumbles.

"You've always got to have a contingency plan, my friend," Cedric sighs. That was lesson number one, honestly.

_…Hmm,_ Cornelius says. _You may have a point._

"And you thought I was good for nothing," Cedric says, grinning.

"Oi, shut up, you," his prison guard says, abruptly cutting into the conversation. "That's enough of your crazy talk."

&&

"We've got to get out of here," Cedric muttered, curling up in the corner of his cell and eying the guards who had just walked in. "Can't even have a wank. It's inhumane."

_In my day, those who were caught stealing weren't simply put in dungeons like this,_ Cornelius told him. _They would have fingers cut off. Sometimes whole limbs, if they were after something particularly precious._

"Well, we don't live in your day anymore," Cedric said reasonably. "We live in my day, where they put thieves in dungeons. And this thief would really like to get out of the dungeon so he can have a proper wank."

_Your determinedly pragmatic outlook on life is at times infuriating,_ Cornelius told him.

"But useful," Cedric said.

_I suppose,_ sighed Cornelius.

&&

"Can't you magic the guards away or something?" Cedric asked the next day, when the unwilting stiffness inside his trousers was becoming too much to bear.

_Why? You never seemed like the type that would care,_ Cornelius said.

"I wouldn't care if I wasn't in prison," Cedric said, thinking wistfully of freedom, and the simple joy that came from fooling a gullible man and taking his purse. And being able to wank whenever he wanted. "But being in here, it's too much like kicking me while I'm down. I don't like it."

_If I make them go away, will you stop whining and conjuring up images about your petty physical needs?_ Cornelius asked.

"Oh yes, yes," Cedric said eagerly. He was lying, of course—whining to himself and/or Cornelius was a great deal of fun, and conjuring up images of his physical needs was even more so.

Cornelius seemed to sense this treasonous little thought, and gave a little chuckle. _What if I can't make them go away?_ he asked, voice low. _Are you so far at the end of your rope that you'd touch yourself anyway?_

Cedric shifted awkwardly, his unwilting stiffness somehow growing even stiffer. "I dunno," he muttered. "Maybe." Then, conman instincts picking up on the hypothetical of Cornelius's question, asked, "Can you _really_ not do anything?"

_You're a sharp one,_ Cornelius said, a dark smile in his voice. _But alas, I really can't. Not like this. If only it hadn't been for that meddling—_

"Yeah, yeah, I get it," Cedric snapped, and tried once more to will his petty physical needs away.

&&

Now it was an ache, a long ache.

_It's beginning to grate on my nerves,_ Cornelius told him. _Fix it, now._

"I can't," Cedric said, eyes shifting over the guards across the dungeon. It had become a mantra, an endless mantra.

_I don't care that you don't want to do it in front of them,_ Cornelius murmured. _Touch yourself._

Cedric squirmed.

_**Now** ,_ Cornelius said.

"Fine, fine," Cedric said hastily, and reached down to cup himself. The pleasure was almost painful in its intensity; Cedric vowed that henceforth he would wank every day, no matter what. Twice. Turning his back to the guards, he jerked at his trouser laces and squeezed.

_Harder,_ Cornelius purred. _Slower._

"Fucking hell," Cedric gasped, only at the last second remembering to muffle it into his sleeve. He tightened his grip and slowed his strokes, nearly biting through his own lip as he fought through the battering crests of pleasure.

_That's better, isn't it?_ Cornelius asked him. _It doesn't really matter whether they're watching you or not. Because I'm always watching._

Cedric made a strange noise—not anything like a whimper, gods no—and tensed, teetering on the brink. A burst of vicious sensation across his chest finally pushed him over, and he came so hard he almost lost track of the fact that, actually, the sensation had been that of his hand, coming up completely of its own accord to savagely twist one of his nipples.

_Oh, very good,_ Cornelius murmured with satisfaction.

That had been very strange, Cedric thought, as much as was possible for him to think while deep in the throes of a post-orgasmic stupor. Was it normal for his hands to move without him telling them to?

_I think we make a good team,_ Cornelius said, sounding almost pleased.

"Uh-huh," Cedric said.

_Our attributes are almost complementary in practice, but we both dream of great things,_ Cornelius murmured. _Now, all that stands in our way is a dungeon wall._

Without any input from his brain (because all his brain could manage right now was "nnnnnngghh"), Cedric's arm raised and pointed itself toward the wall.

_Ábrece!_ Cornelius shouted, or maybe it was Cedric's own mouth, he couldn't really tell—and then there was an enormous explosion, and a cloud of dust, and then there was a massive hole in the dungeon wall. 

Cedric blinked at it a few times, and then said, "You could do that this whole time?" 

_Of course,_ Cornelius said. _I was merely testing our compatibility. If we weren't going to be able to work together, I would have had to kill you and find a new body._

"Uhh," Cedric said. 

_Fortunately, I've grown fond of you,_ Cornelius said. _In any case, it's a lifelong partnership._

That didn't sound too bad, Cedric reflected. A lifetime of wanks. 

_Remember,_ said Cornelius, _I can kill you at any time._


End file.
